I had my kids for a three hour access visit this morning. Started off badly as I slept in and there was confusion about who was dropping them off etc and they arrived half an hour late.
I was so exhausted from the big day at DHS yesterday which was very emotionally draining.
When they were here, I was tired, impatient and didnt have enough energy for them. I felt terrible and I stil do and that is why I am venting it here. I want to start fresh with them tomorrow, without the guilt of today hanging over me.
I just get so tired when the kids are around. I try so hard to be 'on my game'. Juggling the two kids constantly with them both talking at me - trying to listen to both of them at the same time and process what they are saying and respond. And Lucas is extra sensitive and easily upset.
*sigh* I feel like I have so much more to say but nothing is really coming out. Maybe I am distracted or just over it.
I just hope tomorrow is a better day. I love them so much and I just want to enjoy every second I have with them especially while we have limited time during access etc.
When I get them back, I will work up a routine and have at least one outing every day to keep things exciting and so I stay awake. I hate being so tired and lethargic around them.
I even cancelled my psych appt while they were here cos I thought I was just about to fall asleep but as soon as they were gone I woke right up!
I hate it. It is so frustrating :(
Anyway, I can't do anything to change how today went. I can only try to have an early night tonight. And try to make tomorrow a better day for me and the kids.
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