Sunday... Blah...

Well it Sunday afternoon and I am feeling gross. I have spent way too much time doing nothing since getting this laptop, which I love, but it is catching up with me now. I just couldn't be bothered showering yesterday and I am yet to as well today. I just feel gross. And I look around my lounge room and I need to clean up the lounge room floor, which still has the packaging from my lap top strewn all over it. And then there is the dishes and the washing and I need to change all the sheets. That's the bare essestials. It's not even tha bad, I just can't bothered. I just want to waste another day online. I am sure once I get up from my beloved couch and have a shower, I will feel much better and maybe even hve a little bit of motivation! As a motivation, we are having fish and chips for lunch. Woohoo!

This laptop is also affecting my sleep patterns - ok, so maybe not the laptop directly, my habits! We went to bed about midnight last night and i spent another hour or two on BH on my phone!! And then I woke up at midday today when I got two text messages on my phone! And I was cranky that I had been woken up!! Ugh, such a bad sleep pattern. How am I going to start the week? I am worried about this, but perhaps not enough to change it, after all I am whinging about it online!! But it is just that I have been waiting so long to get a laptop so I could go online properly and while the fb addiction plays into a bit, i just love BH. I love the interaction and talking to some lovely, funny ladies. I have Shane here which is great, he is awesome and great to be with. But I dont have any friends here and no one I really chat to, so it is great to have BH. And I think social interaction - even if online - is really important in keeping me sane!

Also BH got interesting last night - did anyone else notice that '10kids and one tired mummy'? Did anyone think it was suss? I loved the troll thread until it got closed. It is still creating controversy today. And theat lady that posted about other people posting photos of her kids, I posted in that, saying too right, they shouldnt be posting pics of your kids. And then I realised it was aimed at MG and I just felt awful. I dont know if she went through with it, but she posted something about leaving BH. Apparently this woman has been harassing her IRL and online, and I just felt so bad of having inadvertantly supporting that. I hope MG does stick around as I think she is awesome and has a lot to contribute to the hub. And I dont think the bullies should be accomodated on BH.

I just felt strongly about the photos issue because XSIL took it upon herself to send photos of my children into a PRISON where XDP (father of the kids) is! I lost my shit. She didnt have my permission. It wasnt that I minded XDP having photos of his children, it is the fact that photos of my children were sent into a prison. It wasn't XDP I was worried about, it was all the other 'unsavoury' characters in there potentially having access to the photos. Anyway, it is something I feel very passionate about given that experience so the thread kinda struck a nerve.

Just background on the above: XDP and I broke up in June 2008 mainly because he has a gambling problem which he was waaaay in denial about. He preferred to make me think I was crazy, imagining all the glaringly obvious signs. This was tantamount to emotional/psychological abuse, I believe, as I was already suffering severe depression and he exploited that. Anywa, so we broke up and he was arrested in August 2008 trying to break into someone's house. He got locked up and finally admitted he *might* have a problem. Grrr. Anyway, he got bail and one of his conditions was a curfew. But never wanting to do what he is told and thinking he could outsmart the police, he didn't stick to his curfew and was arrested again in December 2008. He has been on remand since then. He ended up pleading guilty after some of the more serious charges were dropped and was sentenced on July 16, 2010. He was sentenced to time served. I think he had been locked up for about 20 months (if my maths is right) by this time. Before he could be released however, he needs to go before the Parole Board. I dont know when exactly that happened but apparently he is being released on Monday. So that should be interesting.

There is heaps that has happened to me within that period and I am sure that I will reveal all over time. lol.

Wow I really am rambling on this morning.

Ok, I am going to have a shower after this post I have decided.

I don't know if anyone is still with me, but I have one last thing on my mind. DP and I are TTC. It will be my #3 and his #1. I have never had any trouble before. Lucas was conceived almost the moment I decided I wanted a baby and Bethany was a surprise bub as I was bf-ing and on the mini pill at the time.

We have been through 2 cycles already and it is doing my head in!! My cycles are irregular varying from anywhere between 4-8 weeks. CD1 was on July 13. So I was expecting my AF on Tuesday. Still a no show. I have done 3 tests and all are BFN. I just want AF to come so we can start again. I hate the hope. No matter how many negative tests I get -disappointing as they are- I always think maybe its too early. I literally keep testing until AF arrives. I started getting PMS last friday (not the one just gone) and i thought AF is a week away at most and was fully expecting this friday but still nothing. I am having a few symptoms, like my b00bs are bigger and some things taste weird to me, but I am also bloating up so AF has to come soon. But it is also likely that I am just getting fat as I am sitting on my couch more than ever and eating like a mofo. Argh. Who knows. I just over think everything and at the same time, tell myself to stop cos stress is counter-productive to the whole TTC caper. Argh.

Also, just in case anyone is curious -let alone still reading- my kids are in foster care at the moment. That's why I have so much time to waste online etc. I will explain the back story to all that one day. I never did anything to hurt them and am not accused of doing any such thing, just so you guys now. It is essentially my mental health that is of concern.  I am sure a lot of venting about DHS will also ensue I am sure. I have access with them Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

Anyway, I think I better finish this up now. Thanks reading, if indeed anyone has. I am off the FINALLY have a shower!  Hope that improves my mood!